The Impact of a Teacher

She was rumored to be one of the toughest teachers at my school. I can still remember how nervous I was in my first class with her - it was an Advanced class, and as a young tenth grader, I was easily intimidated. While I had always loved reading, English had been a hit or miss subject with me - writing had never been my strong point. Little did I know that after two years with Mrs. Pabst, I would come to love it so much that I would choose to study it in college. 

While she wasn’t as frightening as others had made her sound, Mrs. Pabst was certainly intimidating. Her speaking and teaching styles were sharp and witty, and she wasn’t afraid to address the subject matters that other teachers had shied away from. She had been teaching for some time, and while she had a well practiced method, she always seemed to be tweaking it, and looking for ways to improve her pedagogy. She expected a lot from her students, urging them to read and write at increasingly higher levels. Despite the impression she gave off, she genuinely cared about her students, and worked hard to help them learn and grow.  

I am somewhat ashamed to say that I had little or no idea how to write an essay before I took her class. I never knew how to organize them, and I always wound up frustrated and confused. But with her help, I began to understand what I was doing. Because we were preparing for the English AP class and exam, our essays were scored on a scale of 1-9, with a 5 considered passing and a 7 considered good. I will never forget the first time I received a 9 on an essay. It had been a timed in-class rhetorical analysis on a short story that discussed nature, and I was shocked to see that I had done so well. I was elated in fact, and I wanted nothing more than to feel that sense of success again. After that first essay, I felt increasingly confident in my writing abilities, and I began to really love studying literature. 

To this day, I credit Mrs. Pabst as the reason I am an English major. Her affect on my life is much greater than I ever would have expected. Through her classes I not only learned how to write an essay, but gained a love of literature and of writing that I never saw coming. 

A Friendship Built On Laughter

It was almost exactly a year ago that I realized my freshman year roommate would be one of my closest friends. As with many incoming freshmen at TCU, I did not know my roommate before I met her on move-in day in August. We had “gone potluck,” and I was nervous about the outcomes. While I tend to get along well with most people, I had heard roommate horror stories from several people, and I did not want to be next on that list. 

Upon meeting my roommate, I was very happy to find that she was a kind, quiet person like myself, and I imagined that we would get along well enough. As we spent more time together, it became clear that we had a lot in common, and that she was far from the quiet girl I had originally met.

Fast forwarding to finals week in the fall of my freshman year, the two of us decided to take a study break at Market Square. At this point the combination of sleep deprivation, stress, and caffeine had begun to kick in, and I was borderline delirious. After we ate, we continued procrastinating in any way we could. Naturally, YouTube videos were involved. We spent nearly an hour watching random videos, and laughing until we cried. If we talked it was in hurried, breathless sentences, and I remember that my abs were particularly sore that night from all of the laughter. 

In that hour, I realized how much I valued her friendship, and how lucky I was to have found not only a roommate, but a best friend. Someone who I could laugh and goof off with, and feel completely at ease to be myself. I did not know it at the time, but there would be many more memories filled with laughter that I would share with her in the future. 

Panama City Beach, Florida

The cool chill of the morning whipped through our hair, while the wind caught our yawns and whispers. As we packed the last of our things into the back of the car, our excitement began to bubble. We giggled and talked, despite our exhaustion, letting the excitement of new possibilities and adventures awaken us. As we drove into the still dark sky, we felt the freedom of our lives. 

With the help of caffeine and loud music we were soon awake, and we talked cheerfully about our destination, even though we know our travel was still long ahead of us. We had just graduated high school, and the endless opportunities of summer and beyond lay ahead. We had been planning our trip since December, when we were already aching for the warmth of the sun and the feeling that nothing in the world was as important as a single moment. 

Our drive was long that day, but our spirits remained high. We laughed and talked, happy to share the time with one another. We all knew in the back of our minds that this was our last real chance to be together. The freedoms of the future also led us in different paths, and though we would remain friends, it would never be quite the same. But it was summer, and we let our worries wait for us with the arrival of fall. 

It was dark when we finally arrived, and we walked through the moonlight in the sand. This place that we had dreamed of for months was real; our life as we dreamed it was finally happening. Our joy was undeniable, and that moment remains permanently etched in my mind to this day. 
 It was the undeniable sense of freedom - knowing that we had only the road ahead of us, and we could take it anywhere we wanted to. We were young and we were free, as we travelled on. 

"Fathers And Sons"

Out of all of the narratives in Hemingway’s The Nick Adam’s Stories, “Fathers and Sons” remained in my mind the most. Nick’s attempts to improve upon his father’s parenting and become a better role model for his own son are admirable, even if they are not entirely successful. 

One of the strange things about this story is that Nick pays almost no attention to his son for the majority of it. The young boy - whose name we do not learn - must speak up to get his father’s attention, and awake him from his reverie. At surface level, this makes it seem as though Nick too is a poor father. However, his focus is drawn away from his son in this situation because he is remembering his own father, and trying to learn from the mistakes in his upbringing. 

The focus of this story is on the responsibilities that Nick faces as a father. These are examined through his recollection of his own father. The memories of his father’s failures motivate him to be a better role model and source of information for his own son. Where his father gave him misinformation and grief, he hopes to be a more positive influence in his son’s life. He starts this by trying to remove his focus from the negative memories of his father, and to keep that entirely from his son. 

As Nick reminisces about his father, he creates a much more positive image of him than in previous stories. He reflects on his father’s talents as a huntsman, and the fact that he was a sensitive man. When his son awakens, Nick describes the boy’s grandfather with compassion. Nick clearly wants his son to think positively of his grandfather, and to be a better father to him as well. When I read this short story, I was reminded of my own father, and his attitude about my grandfather. Because my dad did not have a good relationship with his dad, I did not know my grandfather before he died. However, when I do hear stories about my grandfather, they are always in a positive light. I hear about his sense of humor, and about how much he would have loved to know me. Like Nick Adams in this story, my dad has shared the good memories he has of his father so that my brother and I will think of him in a positive light. 

"Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?"

Joyce Carol Oates’s story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” was possibly the most haunting story that I have read this semester. I was sufficiently unsettled by the story after reading it, and this only increased after discussing it in class. There were several aspects of the story that I did not immediately understand, such as the various allusions. However I think the most significant thing about the story was the ambiguity about the identity of Arnold Friend. 

The conversation between Connie and Arnold Friend was ominous from the beginning, and it quickly became obvious that Friend intended to have sex with Connie, with or without her consent. After discussing the story in class, I saw the numerous references that suggested Friend is the devil, and their conversation became even more disturbing. Details such as the strange way he walks, the fact that he knows everyone, and the pseudonym “An Old Fiend” support the theory that Friend is actually the devil in disguise, and after discussing them in class, I began to believe that this was Oates’s intention. 

Another frightening aspect of this story is that it was based off of events that actually occurred. While Oates’s did not take every detail from real life, she was inspired to write this story after hearing about a serial killer. This made the story all the more sinister, but also raised a conflict about the identity of Arnold Friend. Was he supposed to be a serial killer, or the devil himself? 

Although this question was never really answered, the purpose of the short story is clear. It is a symbolic story for the loss of morals that has accompanied younger generations. Oates seems to have written it as a appeal to society, urging everyone to live morally, or suffer the consequences. Also, it serves as a reminder that children should not try to be older before they have to be, for they are rarely ready for the responsibilities that come with age. 

Final Conversation

My final meeting with Li was this afternoon. We met and talked about finals week and preparing for classes next semester. I started off the conversation by asking him about the English tests he took a few weeks ago. He said that he had no idea how well he did on them, but that he gets his scores back on Friday. We then discussed TCU’s requirements for foreign students, and he said that next semester they are raising the minimum score on an entrance exam. He talked about how difficult it was becoming for him to take ESL classes because of how quickly they fill up. This led to a conversation about TCU classes in general filling up, as both of us have experienced this problem on multiple occasions. 

We also talked about final exams, and our schedules before break. Both of us are busy with tests and papers, and we shared our laments about lacking sleep. He also mentioned that his computer had stopped working, and we talked a lot about how much we rely on technology. He has broken both a phone and a computer this semester, and has had to go without them for several days; something that I cannot imagine. I left my phone at home once when I went to work, and felt lost for the entire six hours I had to survive without it. He agreed that it is difficult, but seemed to be more adjusted to the idea than I am. 

The rest of our conversation was somewhat random, including a story he told me about one of his suite-mates kicking a hole in his wall. We had a relaxed conversation until he needed to leave to meet someone for dinner. It was once again an easy and pleasant experience having a conversation with Li. 

Although we had some trouble scheduling meetings, overall my experience with Li as a conversation partner was positive. I really enjoyed getting to know him, and I hope that he benefitted from the time we spent talking.

"The Red Convertible"

When reading Louise Erdrich’s short story “The Red Convertible,” I was struck by several aspects of the author’s writing style. The use of foreshadowing and symbolism made this narrative of two brothers all the more moving, and reinforce the shock of the ending. 

In the beginning of the story, the narrator Lyman references that his brother Henry’s boots fill up. This remark seems out of context in the first paragraph, but in fact foreshadows Henry’s death at the end of the story. When I read the story for the first time, it was clear that there was some sort of ominous ending, but Henry’s death was still somewhat of a shock. After reading it a second time, I saw several instances of foreshadowing, including the sentence in the first paragraph and references to the high tide and sinking objects. The sinister tone I noticed the first time was created by the use of foreshadowing throughout the story. 

The use of the Red Convertible as a symbol for both brotherhood and innocence. While the beginning of the story tells of Henry and Lyman’s youthful adventures with the car, the mood changes after Henry goes to war. His attitude towards life is no longer cheerful, and he walks through life as though he is already dead. He has lost the innocence and freedom that he once had, and his relationship with Lyman has dissolved almost entirely. Lyman attempts to restore his relationship with Henry through the Red Convertible, however he is unsuccessful. The brothers attempt to give the car to one another. Henry tries to let Lyman remain young and innocent, and Lyman tries to return his relationship with Henry back to what it was before the war. However neither can be accomplished, and ultimately, Lyman decides that the car must die with Henry. 

This story was a grave reminder that we cannot return to the past, or regain innocence once it is lost. For me, it also made me realize that we must cherish our relationships while we still have them. 

"The Guest"

When I first read Albert Camus’s short story “The Guest,” I had trouble determining its purpose. It was only after our discussion in class that I realized that it was more than simply a narrative about a teacher in the desert. In this story, the choices of the narrator Daru and the prisoner he watches are juxtaposed, expressing that indecision cannot save you from suffering consequences.

This short story describes the turmoils of Daru, a schoolmaster who is caught between two sides of a violent dispute. Set in Algeria during the late 1950s and early 1960s, the background of this story is the conflict between French rulers and the Algerian rebellion. Daru, who is a native of Algeria, attempts to remain neutral in this conflict, however feels the great tension as he is asked to help the French, and betray his people. 

Balducci, a military policeman and friend of Daru’s brings a prisoner referred to as “the Arab” to the schoolhouse, and asks the favor of Daru. He is instructed to watch the Arab overnight, and take him to prison the next day. Aware that the man had killed his own cousin in a family dispute, Daru still feels strongly that he cannot turn in this man because of their bond by nationality.

In the end, Daru walks the Arab halfway to the jail and leaves him with the option of turning himself in or escaping likely death. The Arab chooses to continue on towards the jail; accepting his fate with little hesitation. Daru hopes that by giving the Arab his choice, he will have escaped the wrath of both the French government and his fellow Algerians. He led the prisoner towards the jail, but was not ultimately responsible for handing him in. However, despite his attempts to take no side, Daru returns to his schoolhouse to see a haunting message on the chalkboard: “You handed over our brother. You will pay for this.”

Despite his great attempts at remaining impartial, Daru is faced with the consequences he feared. His fellow Algerians plan to punish him for what they perceive as a betrayal, and he cannot change that by insisting that he had no part in the Arab’s decision.

Throughout the story, Daru’s main concern is acting so that he won’t offend either of the allegiances he maintains. He defers his decisions, and tries to avoid making them altogether. The indecision about what to do with his prisoner is juxtaposed with the Arab’s quick choice to accept his fate as a criminal, and ultimately they both end up facing negative consequences. Daru’s story is a reminder that indecision cannot save a person from pain, and that consequences of a decision will catch up to them, even if they try to avoid making the decision at all. 

Conversation #4

My fourth meeting with Li was originally scheduled for before Thanksgiving Break, however he found out at the last minute that his classes for the beginning of the week were cancelled, and so he was flying to Boston to meet with a friend. When we met this past Wednesday, we talked a lot about visiting friends from high school. I am lucky that most of my good friends wound up going to school in Texas, so I see them on breaks and every now and then on random weekends. Li obviously has a different situation, and he knows people who live all over the world. Several of his high school classmates live in the United States, like his friend who attends Boston College, but he also mentioned some that live in other countries, like the United Kingdom. This started a whole conversation about traveling, which is one of my favorite things to talk about. We discussed the places that I have visited, and he chimed in with his experiences with the countries that he had also been to. I thought it was interesting that we have had similar traveling experiences, even though we are from different countries. 

We talked a little bit about the work we have before finals and Winter Break, and he mentioned that he has two important English tests coming up soon. This weekend, he will take a test that may qualify him for a scholarship as an international student. On Monday, he will take an English writing test that, if he scores high enough, might allow him to “graduate” from his current ESL class. When I had arrived to meet him, he was studying grammar for the first test, and at this point he took the opportunity to ask me a few questions about it. It was interesting to see the questions he was studying, and the ones that he was having trouble with. While it was easy for me to tell what the correct answers were, it was not always easy to explain the reasoning behind it. He seemed to understand my explanations, though, and I hope that I was at least a little helpful. 

We talked briefly about plans for Winter Break, and he mentioned that a lot of his friends return to China for the month-long break, and some even stay a little later in order to celebrate Chinese New Year. He talked about some of the traditions of this holiday, which he described as basically Christmas and New Years combined. Mainly, he said, it involves gifts, food with family, and fireworks. I really enjoyed listening to him talk about this, especially because I did not know a lot about Chinese New Years beforehand. We ended our conversation by scheduling another meeting next week, which I am looking forward to.

I noticed this time in particular that it is getting even easier to talk with Li. While we have never had too much trouble having a conversation, he seems to be more comfortable speaking in English now than when we first met. I imagine that this is mostly just because he knows me a little better now, but it is definitely interesting to see that there is a noticeable difference.